Friday, October 19, 2007

Can I Forgive? Must I?

Daily forgiveness

"As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind."

-- Isabelle Holland

"We cannot avoid daily resentment and thoughts of guilt. They are a part of human nature.
What we can do is release their grip on us. We can forgive others and ourselves daily.

Forgiveness requires nothing in return. There are no conditions. It gets rid of old baggage and clears up unfinished business. It leads us to a life of authenticity, lightness and directness. Forgiveness is the highest form of letting go of resentment and ego.

True forgiveness is more than an apology, understanding and acceptance. There is an element of recreating and re-imagining. There is a need to envision ourselves as more loving, interdependent, courageous and compassionate. Forgiveness requires honouring the sacred journey of learning about life - our life and others'. "
I have tried so hard to forgive the person who has hurt me. I have asked for forgiveness from them directly but was once again, ridiculed. I have asked God for forgiveness for my anger against this person and I realize that my ego is standing in the way. I didn't do anything wrong - that's why it is so difficult to practically beg for forgiveness. I have always feared rejection. It has happened so many times, whether by death or intentions and my ego fights against it continuously. Everyone I have ever loved seems to have rejected me in one way or another, except for two very dear people.
All I can do is to continue to pray that hearts will soften and be changed. I need to find true forgiveness and to forgive seventy times seven. My journey of learning is leading me down a very lonely path and at times, I'm lost. I need to redefine myself and the way I see the hurt and let it go, quit clinging to it. Release it into the forest where I cannot see it any longer - let it go...
I will be healthier.

1 comment:

Constance said...

Dear Gracie,

The hardest thing of all was to forgive MYSELF for interacting with someone who was so hurtful and hateful to me...

It's not really as much about them as it is the heavy cloak of self-blame you are laying on yourself...
ESPECIALLY if you asked them for forgiveness and faced up to exactly what the real core issue was...

It sounds like forgiving THEM isn't as important (to being able to free yourself/not have that burden of anger and resentment and pain) as being able to truly know you did your best -- and don't need to hear anything from them to validate that.

You didn't do anything wrong - and still there are people who must make you wrong in order not to confront their own truths...

Hypocrites abound Gracie, and so do people who are willfully blind to their own behavior.

It's heartbreaking to feel like everyone you have ever loved has rejected you in one way or another... I hope thier hearts soften and change, too...

And in the meantime (((hugs)))
Loving Annie