Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Rain Still Falling...

a I believe in miracles. I believe we are in need of one. Mike is still in Georgetown University Hospital; he now has pneumonia. His fever is not as high - it was 104 for weeks. The doctors still hold out hope that he has a chance at full recovery so I am going to grab onto that and cling tightly. His wife had to return to work but their oldest daughter has forsaken this semester at college to be with him during the day. Those of you who have been generous with your prayers, please continue to remember Mike and his family in prayer.

My migraine monster has returned viciously and so has my depression. Then I see friends battling reoccuring cancer with a vengence and such a spirit of determination; I see the frustration that Mike's family is enduring and so many, many others. I understand that I'm not "pouting" or in a "snit," as my dad used to say, but I have a physiological disfunction that takes me down to the bottom of the well at times.

It makes me sad to the point where I had to get away Sunday; just leave the house and drive, anywhere but here. I miss my house, my yard - especially now that they are bulldozing the property behind us that allows us a view of the foothills and, once construction is complete, we're going to be in a gully, looking up at the backside of houses. And I tell myself, yes: I have a home, I am fortunate to have a bed at night. I know all of this...but depression and bipolar disorder can wreak havoc upon ones ability to see the goodness in one's circumstances. Even though you know better intellectually. Tears can come without a reason or cause, just as did my need to leave for a while.

I long for peace of mind and quiet of spirit. I may not maintain that here on earth but hopefully, on the other side...Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.
(I'm speaking figuratively about rain - it was 96 here today and we haven't had rain since May)

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